In Loving Memory of Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu (1953-2025)

(Part 1)

(shedding some light on the famous proverb “IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD” mantra)

Created/Written by: Zoe
On 12/14/2021

“Choose your friends wisely: be certain they have lasting proven integrity, emotional availability and stability,” “Defend yourself as needed,” “Express yourself with confidence,” “It’s healthy and O.K. to cry if you’re feeling sad,” “Understand the difference between investing money vs. saving money and giving to others,” Boldly share your faith in God, “Keep your head up,” “Look adults in their eyes when they’re speaking to you to ensure you’re paying attention,” “Politely answer yes sir and/or yes mam,” “Respect the elderly,” “Honor your mother and your father (with your words, deeds and attitude. Choose friends that also respect their parents and the poor)”Refuse to make excuses: take responsibility for your choices/actions,” “Turn in your homework on time while managing yourself by being a good steward of your time to maintain your overall grades, etc,” “Clean up behind yourself”, “Do not give your strength to woman,” “If you decide to get married, choose your wife wisely with the help of a multitude of mature and well seasoned wise men first before you say (I do)/make the covenant to determine if your potential spouse is a good fit for a lifetime commitment,” “Choose a godly wife of noble character,” “Never allow anyone and/or anything to steal your joy and hope!” “Take care of your responsibilities/chores with diligence to show you are capable,” “Have faith and speak life over yourself no matter how you or other people may feel about you at any given moment” are among thousands of phrases to assist with positively redirecting a young boy as he grows up within early childhood (3 to 8 years old), middle childhood (9 to 11 years old) and/or adolescence (12 to 18 years old). Of course, all circumstances and/or situations are unique to each child and their age group. 

It has been recorded that there are generally more boys born than girls in the United States, including in 2020. There are 37,194,403 (51% of males) and 35,627,710 (49% of females). Males are important in our society, for they have the potential to change the narrative and/or outcome of the staggering stats as of December 11, 2021, Inmate Gender data. It is recognized that there are 145,639 (93%) males in prison compared to 10,968 (7%) females in prison within the citizenship of Colombia, Cuba, Dominican Republic, Mexico, United States, other/Unknown. The U.S. has a generally greater number of inmates totaling 131,418 (83.9%). There are also 47,610 (30.4%) Hispanic inmates vs. 108,997 (69.6%) Non-Hispanic inmates.

As a whole, we all can chip in to help better our nation simply by one interaction at a time by first acknowledging that it truly takes a village to shape and mold young boys. We don’t have to necessarily hold a Child Psychology degree, a license, or more to correct, love, care for, and/or redirect a child. We can make a difference in the lives of our loved ones and even complete strangers (upon their parents’ consent, etc.). For example, teaching a kid right from wrong in a grocery store, at a library, at your/loved one’s home(s) when visiting, at school if you are a teacher, staff member, volunteer, or parent. These interactions appear to be more beneficial if the interactions are natural, meaning as the opportunity arises. Point taken: About a year ago, I was walking to my vehicle from grocery shopping when I heard some commotion between a mother and her 9-year-old daughter. The daughter was apparently upset because her mother told her “no” regarding getting candy out of the store. The daughter clearly disrespects her mother by yelling and talking back to her and refusing to get in their vehicle.

The mother basically shoved the girl in the car, and the daughter began to kick at her mother repeatedly and use inappropriate language. The mother slapped the daughter on her legs and then walked away to clearly cool down because the mother at that point was probably about to go old school on the daughter and give her a good old spanking in the parking lot! By that time, I was making my way to their vehicle on foot because it was firmly on my heart to attempt to talk to the young girl. I asked the father, holding a baby in his arms in the driver’s seat with a toddler boy in the back seat if it was O.K. for me to speak to the child. The permission was granted. I told the child my name and asked her for her name, then I asked the girl what had happened? After the child explained why she was so angry, I informed the child that it’s O.K. to be angry, but it’s not O.K. to yell/scream at her mom or any adult when she doesn’t get her own way, call her mom mean things, kick your mom or not follow your mom’s directions. I presented the child with an alternative by letting her know that whenever she is angry, she may consider calming down first before expressing to her mother how she is feeling. I informed her of better choices when communicating with her mother or father. At that moment, the child became a little relaxed. I then told her to place both her feet/legs inside the vehicle to close the door. She said, “yes, mam.” I informed the young girl how beautiful she was and thanked her for following directions when I told her to put her feet inside the vehicle. I concluded that if her mom or dad tells her to do something, she must respectfully follow their instructions even if she is angry.

This quick example is also a choice away from developing young girls into women. However, boys can also learn from this. Furthermore, we as the village and/or nation can momentarily step in as needed as we raise our own children by making ourselves available for others and the like as we purpose in our hearts to do.

Young boys need our support physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, psychologically, educationally, financially, and more. Teaching young boys how to practically be responsible is a process that may begin in early childhood. Dr. Kunjufu states in his (Countering the Conspiracy to destroy Black Boys presentation in 1987): “Who is going to teach black boys to be responsible? And you don’t start when he makes a baby; in other words, the real question is who is going to teach black boys to be responsible for his personal hygiene, for his clothes, for his chores, for his room, for his siblings, for the allowance, for his studies, for his toys, for his schedule and then his sex life. You don’t start responsibility at 16; it starts really early.”

Regarding adult sex life, I strongly encourage abstinence even throughout adolescence to generally enhance a healthy foundation, especially if considering marriage or otherwise. Also, I believe it’s vital to teach the importance of setting boundaries with electronics (T.V., computers, cellphones, video games, etc.) for reassurance that there’s more to life than overly consuming electronics.  

As young boys develop and practice what he was taught, they may perhaps establish their own positive affirmations and accept that he is enough, has the power of a better choice, is capable, develop healthy habits, and deserves a happy and fruitful life. At the end of the day, it will be the man’s choice who was a young boy to exercise and live out the tools that he was previously taught as an adult. Hopefully, the responsibility will shift from the village to that man to leave a legacy to his own children and/or beyond.

The question is: Are we willing to take responsibility for putting in the consistent hard work to properly guide and effectively demonstrate the necessary tools to equip young boys to become men?

Stay tuned for part 2 of this article within 2025/2026 with possible interviews with fathers who are actively involved in their son’s life and to provide wisdom on the lessons they learned along the way. This will undoubtedly become a series!

Notes

Position in the Kitchen (Article #2)

“It takes a village to raise a child” -Unknown.

Countering the Conspiracy to destroy Black Boys Presentation (1987) by Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu.

Population Division, U. S. Census Bureau (Child Population by gender), The Annie E. Casey Foundation (Kids Count Data Center).

Department of Justice (Federal Bureau of Prisons’)

Photo credit: Daryl Wilkerson Jr.